This morning as I walked down to work under a glaring sun and a gusty wind trying to rob me off my umbrella, I wasn’t even paying attention to the idea that how life has ambled into mundane alleys of a human existence.
The office which is unusually calm today, pertaining to the boss being outta station and the annoying weirdo who sits next to me - who hears to the song “damadum mast kalandar” at least 78 times a day on his headset, and even with that I can hear the bleeding song all through out the day. To top it he keeps singing, with a pathological need to be vocally precise to what the singer is doing - not having come. I thank god and pray he doesn’t for the rest of the day. Oh well, he just entered. God just doesn’t listen to me anymore, not that I care. Whatever!
I had my tea, and checked my email where the email home page showed me a section of new man made wonders versus ancient wonders. I went to the link and read several articles. And then it hit me, how much I used to love history of architecture at college. While my peers were zeroing in on urban design-town planning-landscaping and the likes for their masters degree and applying and giving tests; I knew I was gonna go out and work, and that I was done with studying. And if ever I studied further it would definitely be something that I would be genuinely laying my heart in, something off beat, something that didn’t have a commercial ring to it.
So work I did, enjoyed it, every bit of it. There is something about being in a profession that you really love and take pleasure in working on; the immense contentment it brings is something nothing can stand up to. Three years into it, and then I was lost. Thoughts of “this is not enough” – “this is not me” – creep into the corners of my head every now and again. Before this day, right before this morning, when I used to glance at my friends-married-settled-happy, it was seemingly grand to me. Irrespective of my inhibitions and non-inclination towards marriage, I thought I wanted to have that kinda life. And maybe then I’d feel I’m home.
And this morning as I read the articles, I knew time had come. To get out and find answers. Take steps I am not sure where they will land me but take them anyway. So when tomorrow comes and I look back I know I did everything I could. And that I am not ordinary. Its scary, yes, getting out of your cocoon and making yourself vulnerable, but then that way you make sure you did not live a life that had voids you didn’t know how to fill, or worse still, not knowing why it was there in the first place.
I am sparklingly happy, filled with new hope, and zeal for living to unravel the optimistic enigma my life holds, for having kindled my heart and found a way that makes true sense more than anything has made in a long time. You know guys, somebody was do right to have said, life is too short. I know mine is.
Lucky to have you, and thanks for reading.